One of Those Months

Hi Everyone. Today marks maybe the third week I've felt like this. I feel as though, my soul is caving in. I'm super paranoid about nothing. I just want to be alone and nothing seems to fill this void. I don't know what is missing, and I feel like I want to cry. I don't feel hormonal or anything, I'm not a rage monster or my shark week or anything I just don't feel like me....

And that's a shame. I love dancing in the rain. I love feeling infinite. I love feeling like I am not tied to anything, and one with everything. I love hiking. I love rivers. I love my son. I love myself. I love birds chirping. I love Fridays and the feeling of sleeping in on Saturday. I love watching movies, and I love doing my hair. I love good indian food. I love singing at the top of my lungs, in my car, with the windows down..... at stoplights. Those people are never going to see me again. So why not?

I'm not feeling spontaneous, like I used to be. Everything frightens me. I feel like, being in my car is a death trap. I feel like I'm going to mess up at work and I feel like I'm not doing enough in school or with my son. I need something in my life, and I have no idea what it is. I haven't felt this way before.

I don't feel sad, or lonely, or depressed. I feel upset at myself. I did something wrong. I said the wrong thing or I did the wrong thing. But what? What is missing... and how can I get it back? I guess it's time for some meditation.


Running running,
Thoughts are struggling,
Always wondering,
What is in my mind.